Thursday, April 14, 2011

Commuter Rail Chronicles - First Special Entry

Why hello homeless, college students, young professionals, and lifers! This is my first attempt at sharing my glorious life as a commuter. Much like the original creator of this blog, I have been taking the commuter rail for years but not until recently has it become a daily occurrence in my life. I too find myself snagging a free Metro newspaper from the Mansfield train station on the early weekday mornings instead of sitting for hours in dreadful traffic up 95 and 93 North... at least that was my supposition at the beginning of the year.

This happens to be my last semester of college and I decided to save money and live at home. I have friends who do the same and they all agree that it's pretty manageable. First problem here is, being my last semester of college I'm forced to take an 8:30 am class (earliest class I've ever taken). Second problem, Mother Nature bitch slapped New England this past winter causing excessive delays (or no shows) of the commuter rail. Third problem, the train has issues regardless of weather to begin with.

Needless to say I have had my fair share of problems these past few months but I'm proud to say I am not a regular. I fit in. In what exactly? The disgruntled group of working Americans who bond over a frustration for public transportation. This being said, I have found the purest form of entertainment through my daily rides. I have always been a fan of people watching and awkward situations but life as a commuter has taken it to a whole new level.

For my first Commuter Rail Chronicle entry I'd like to share with you my favorite memory thus far of my adventures. It took place on Valentine's Day (go figure). Valentine's Day this year was on a Monday, being that I have a night class on Mondays (yes, only to take a late train home and get up for a very early 6:38 train the next morning) I was beyond tired and irritated when my 8:15 Providence train was delayed. When it did arrive it was one of the old trains - you know, not a double decker, dirty blue and maroon seats which displays the artistic work of Great Boston. I sat in a two seater - that was my first mistake. The car I was in also would lose light (electrical problems which caused the delay were pretty obvious). All I wanted to do was to take a light nap and wake up in Sharon (to ensure I was up for Mansfield, duh). Well, my slumber was surely disrupted by the Ruggles stop.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrUUUuuuuuGgggleesssss!!!"  Gotta love those conductors.

Anyway, for an 8:10 train on a Monday night, the train was pretty packed and a young lady sat next to me. Now her attire can only be described as the Salem Witch Trials Collection but she was a very nice girl. She told me her life story, where she was from, where she went to school, etc. Friendly and all, but regulars know small talk only goes so far on the commuter rail. This is my time to read, text, pretend to read or text, or just rest. So here we are in our flickering light of a car on the dirty old commuter rail, both with backpacks and books on our laps. She was studying for a psychology test (good for her, so studious!) but the fact that she was whispering to herself was, well irritating in itself. Then the phone call.

"Hi pookie, wookie, snookums-lovey-dovey, lover-bear! Are you still sicky-wicky? I can't wait to get home to you and give you all the loveys that you need my special darling! I'll make you soupy-whoopie, and give you cough medicine and snuggle you all night! I wuv youuuuu, I wuvv youuuuu, can't wait to see youuuuu..." I'm sure the conversation went on but I sat there eyes bulging doing all I could not to vomit on myself, slap the phone out of her hand, or just burst out laughing.

We got off at the same station and I wished her luck on her test tomorrow. Then I got in the car and immediately asked, "MOMMY-WOMMY, How come I don't have a lovey-dovey on a cutesy-wutsey day like today. Am I not lovey-dovey enough?" We shared a good laugh at others misfortune... and my own misfortune.

While some single ladies might find Valentine's Day infuriating, I can't help but laugh and thank Buddha that I had the perfect interaction with a love-bird on that fine Monday night.

Long Live Cheeseboy!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Long Time No Talk....and a brawl

OK OK So obviously I have fell off the wagon (literally and figuratively) when it comes to this blogging nonsense. I would credit it mostly to the fact that I quit my job and don't commute much anymore....well that...and I'm lazy.

But this was too good to pass up.

So my dear friend, Alluria* and I boarded the afternoon train for a well deserved girls date night filled with cheesecake factory and stand up comedy. Seems innocent enough right? There we were, all happy that we scored a seat together at the very back of the train.

It was then we noticed there was something a little....different about this ride. There was the usual cast of characters aboard the train, but this one seemed a bit more...diverse.

It was then we realized that there was an Islamic academy in Mansfield that apparently just got out of session. Apparently there were many of these kids that were commuters from Boston. And apparently, they were all quite loud and obnoxious.

So there we were, sitting amidst a group of what appeared to be somalian muslim teenagers in heat, and being someone used to being surrounded by muslim students, I didn't think anything too crazy was going to happen.

Then there was the soda spill of 2011.

The kids were playfully fighting over a soda. A tug of war- soda battle ensued. All of a sudden BLAM the soda bottle exploded all over one poor girls headscarf....and on the Tim's of an innocent passerby.

We shall call him The Angry Man.

So the Angry Man looked like he was on route from Providence to Roxbury, and he looked none too pleased about his position on the train. After the great soda spill of 2011 he vocalized his discontent in so many words......many of them starting with mother and ending in uckers...

The teenagers were scared back to their seats...or so we thought.

One boy, who appeared to be a little jewish boy until we realized they went to an islamic academy (big whoops) started in on the Angry Man. Though the conversation was a bit unclear, i believe they were arguing over the validity of Angry Mans...anger.

It was then that The Angry Man came over and started throwing punches at Confusingly Jewish Boy. Another, equally confusing Jewish-looking boy came over to try and break it up.

Myself, being a former security guard, felt inclined to step in, however, I was too busy trying to wrap my mind around the absurdity.

Token Middle-aged man in the back of the car started yelling "HEY KNOCK IT OFF" (a very middle aged man thing to say) but the conductor was no where in sight, and due to lack of posse support, the fight broke up in a very awkward anti-climatic way.

Until there, everyone was staring at each other, and The Angry Man said "Hey, which one of y'all has my sunglasses"

The conductor later told the teenagers they can no longer sit together.

And another commuter journey is complete.

*Names have been changed